Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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