He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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