why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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