It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
