He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Someone signed my nipple.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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