It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
