i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
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