I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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