IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
