Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
