I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize