I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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