Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Randomize
