It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
