yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
