I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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