Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize