my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
