You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
