Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
