It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize