so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
i think my cat just said my name.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
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