She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
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