this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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