How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
