i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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