Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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