3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
