I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
