I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
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