Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
