I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
