Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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