I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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