If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Randomize
