He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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