So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
