You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
no you cant smoke seaweed
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
