she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Randomize
