I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
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