Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
