Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize