First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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