She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
