she smelled like a LAN party
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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