Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
