Fine. I'll sleep in my office
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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