By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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