never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
