i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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