no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
