I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
