Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
