So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
we made out on top of his cat.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
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