I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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