i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
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