dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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