If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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