It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
