Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
