Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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