Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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