I should be sponsored by Trojan
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize