I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
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