i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Randomize
