bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
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