I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Randomize
