I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
