She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
