I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Randomize
