Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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